"Can't Help But To"
I cant help but to look you over every time I see you
Cant help but to smile when I’m around you
Cant help but to be both happy and tortured when we’re together
Cant help but to hope to one day have my chance
Cant help but to reminisce about our times together
Cant help but to remember our first kiss, our first touch
Cant help but to be jealous of those lucky enough to have you
Cant help but to miss you when we don’t talk or see each other
Cant help but to want you
And I truly cant help but to always love you
"End"
I have to end it.
I thought I was in love
Now I’m not so sure
I love you, that I do
Just not the way you want me to
We’ve been together for so long
And it’ll break my heart knowing that
I’m breaking yours
We’ve been through so much
But it all seems to have been at
My expense.
I need to do this
For my health
For my Sanity.
No matter how hard it may be
I need to stop thinking of how this will affect you
I have to think of myself for once
And end this before I lose my soul to you.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
A Favorite Quote of Mine
"No one has it easy. If that were the case, if everything in this life were perfect, then there'd be no reason for being here. We were placed on this earth to love and be loved, to learn, to experience joy AND suffering. Without the bad stuff we'd never be able to appreciate how wonderful and glorious the good stuff is" - Amber Benson
This is one of those quotes that allows me to have hope and not give up even when the rational part of me tells me I should.
This is one of those quotes that allows me to have hope and not give up even when the rational part of me tells me I should.
What would you do?
So, anyone who knows me well knows there's a certain someone I've pretty much been in love with for the past almost 5 years (that's not to say I didn't love my -ex, cuz I did but it was just, different.) And anyone who knows me and that person knows (or at least I think they know) that there is something there and always has been. Now, here's the thing, do I continue to wait for her to see that we're meant to be together (which I honestly believe, I can't explain it but it's a strong feeling deep in my soul) or do I try to move on (which I have failed to do countless times) and date other people? I do miss having a girlfriend, but then I feel like if I go for someone else I'll be cheating them out of a full relationship because in the end the strongest of my feelings go back to that ONE person.
What would you do? Would you wait or would you severe all ties with the person to try and find someone else?
I'd like to know what you think, but I don't promise I'll take any of your advice. I'm hella stubborn like that.
What would you do? Would you wait or would you severe all ties with the person to try and find someone else?
I'd like to know what you think, but I don't promise I'll take any of your advice. I'm hella stubborn like that.
Yvette & Evangelina
Just a story I came up with...shortish heh
Yvette entered the house, exhausted from a long day at work. “Baby, I’m home!” she shouted as she entered the living room, settling into the couch. She closed her eyes, taking in the scent of vanilla. Hmm, I love having a wife in the house. She smiled as she continued to relax. She felt the weight of someone sitting next to her, followed by a hand running through her short, dark, curly hair. Slowly, she opened her eyes and smiled, “Hey wifey.”
Evangelina looked down at her wife and smiled, “Hey” She leaned down and placed a short, sweet kiss on her lips. “How was work today?” She asked as she snuggled into her wife.
“Eventful and satisfying as usual” Yvette said holding Evangelina in her arms, “How was your day?”
“Good, tiring. Just got the little one in bed not too long ago.” She sighed, exhausted. She loved being a mother and being able to take care of their daughter as well as run a daycare service but it drained her. “She missed you ya know, kept asking when mommy Vet was coming home.”
Yvette smiled at the mention of the little nickname their daughter had given her, “I missed her you, both of you.” She said as she placed a kiss on Evangelina’s head. “How were the rest of the kids today?” Yvette had been a great supporter of Evangelina’s daycare from the beginning. She helped her through school, staying up with her to help study as well as working on her own studies. When the time came for Evangelina to open up her daycare Yvette had offered her house, this was before they had even started dating. She’d always liked kids and thought it was a great opportunity for both of them. Evangelina could operate her business somewhere she felt comfortable and Yvette could observe the children whenever she was around to help with the child development portion of her psychology classes.
“They behaved pretty well today. I think most of them were just happy to know that with the weekend coming up it meant more time to spend with mom and dad.” Evangelina was grateful for all Yvette had done for her. Since they’d met in high school Yvette had been nothing but loving and caring towards her. A couple of months after having met Yvette had confessed her love for Evangelina, and Evangelina loved her as well, but was afraid. She had a boyfriend at the time, one she’d been with for years and was afraid to leave what she already knew. The love she felt for Yvette frightened her, it wasn't like she’d never been with a girl before, but with Yvette it was different, stronger than anything she’d ever felt before.
“I bet Helen will be happy to have her mommies all to herself for the next few days. I’m glad we decided to take a little vacation, I think we could all use it. After all Helen starts school in a little less than a month.” Yvette loved Helen as if she were truly her biological daughter. See, Helen was born a couple of years before Evangelina finally had the courage to give Yvette a chance, almost a good six years after Yvette had first confessed her love to her. Helen was two already, daughter of Evangelina and her infamous -ex. From the moment Helen had been born Yvette had already grown to love her. She knew one day, somehow they would all be a family. Although her father is still in her life she prefers spending time with her mothers.
“Yea, she’s been looking forward to her surprise all week. I can’t believe we’ll be leaving to Disneyworld in a little less than 24 hours.” Evangelina smiled and looked up lovingly at her wife. I still can’t believe how lucky I am. I can’t believe she waited so long for me to realize she really is all I need to keep me sane in this world. And she’s been such a great mom to Helen. She wasn’t sure how Helen would react to seeing her mother with another girl at first, but once she saw how natural the relationship was between Helen and Yvette she knew she had nothing to worry about. She loved her family, and was beyond glad that Yvette had done just as she’d always said she was going to do-- wait.
“Yepp, a nice family trip to Disneyworld. I think we deserve it. And the clinic is so happy with the progress I’ve made with some of the kids they gave me a little last minute bonus that we can blow while we’re there.” Just as Yvette had been supportive of Evangelina’s career Evangelina had been there all the way through Yvette’s studies and late night break downs. Yvette had finished up her Ph.D in psychology around Helen’s third birthday, and Evangelina couldn’t have been prouder. They’d been through so much, together and separately. Yvette had worked hard for her degree so that Evangelina wouldn’t have to worry about money and just do what she loved. That’s not to say Yvette was doing something she didn’t want to do. She was helping children and families, just as she’d always wanted to. As a psychologist she knew she could give what she’d received as a teenager, it just so happened it paid well.
“That’s great! Oh now we can really treat Helen like a princess there!” Evangelina rose and gave Yvette a long, loving kiss. “Have I told you how amazing you are lately?” She asked looking lovingly at her wife. She couldn’t help but be amazed with the women who’s arms she was in. She found a reason to love her more and more each day.
“Not in the past 16 hours.” Yvette said smiling. She had no idea it was possible to love someone so much. Everyday for the past 9 years her love for Evangelina had grown more and more, even through all the confusion and heartache she has suffered as she waited for the day Evangelina would see that they were meant to be. No matter how hard she tried to fall out of love with her nothing worked. No matter who she was with or how long they went without talking she never ceased to love her, to smile upon seeing her. The Christmas Evangelina had kissed her, that’s when Yvette knew their time had finally come. Two years later she proposed. Another six months later they married.
“Well,” Evangelina moved so she was positioned almost above Yvette, “You are amazingly amazing” She leaned in to kiss Yvette, slowly at first then a little more passionately. She supported her weight with one hand as she ran her other hand through Yvette’s short curls. They had been living in newlywed bliss for the past seven months and she hoped that feeling would never go away.
Yvette moaned into the kiss the gently pulled back, “Maybe we should take this to the room? Wouldn’t want Helen coming down for a glass of water and catch her mommies going at it would we?” Yvette stood up, taking Helen in her arms and carried her upstairs. As they neared the room she stopped and set Evangelina down.
“Hey,” Evangelina pouted and crossed her arms, “what are you doing baby?”
“Just a minute babe, I wanna say goodnight to our little girl first.” Yvette approached Helen’s room quietly. She went in and walked over to Helen’s bedside. “My princess is so beautiful,” She whispered, then leaned down to place a kiss on Helen’s cheek. She placed the covers over Helen, who seemed to have kicked them off in her sleep.
Evangelina stood in the doorway, smiling as she watched the scene in front of her. This is all so…perfect. When Yvette came out of Helen’s room she wrapped an arm around Evangelina’s waist and they walked to their room together. As Yvette closed the door Evangelina went to sit on the bed.
“I love you Yvette.”
Yvette smiled as she approached Evangelina, “I know, and I love you wifey.” She said as she gently lay Evangelina down, kissing her, ready to make love all night.
Yvette entered the house, exhausted from a long day at work. “Baby, I’m home!” she shouted as she entered the living room, settling into the couch. She closed her eyes, taking in the scent of vanilla. Hmm, I love having a wife in the house. She smiled as she continued to relax. She felt the weight of someone sitting next to her, followed by a hand running through her short, dark, curly hair. Slowly, she opened her eyes and smiled, “Hey wifey.”
Evangelina looked down at her wife and smiled, “Hey” She leaned down and placed a short, sweet kiss on her lips. “How was work today?” She asked as she snuggled into her wife.
“Eventful and satisfying as usual” Yvette said holding Evangelina in her arms, “How was your day?”
“Good, tiring. Just got the little one in bed not too long ago.” She sighed, exhausted. She loved being a mother and being able to take care of their daughter as well as run a daycare service but it drained her. “She missed you ya know, kept asking when mommy Vet was coming home.”
Yvette smiled at the mention of the little nickname their daughter had given her, “I missed her you, both of you.” She said as she placed a kiss on Evangelina’s head. “How were the rest of the kids today?” Yvette had been a great supporter of Evangelina’s daycare from the beginning. She helped her through school, staying up with her to help study as well as working on her own studies. When the time came for Evangelina to open up her daycare Yvette had offered her house, this was before they had even started dating. She’d always liked kids and thought it was a great opportunity for both of them. Evangelina could operate her business somewhere she felt comfortable and Yvette could observe the children whenever she was around to help with the child development portion of her psychology classes.
“They behaved pretty well today. I think most of them were just happy to know that with the weekend coming up it meant more time to spend with mom and dad.” Evangelina was grateful for all Yvette had done for her. Since they’d met in high school Yvette had been nothing but loving and caring towards her. A couple of months after having met Yvette had confessed her love for Evangelina, and Evangelina loved her as well, but was afraid. She had a boyfriend at the time, one she’d been with for years and was afraid to leave what she already knew. The love she felt for Yvette frightened her, it wasn't like she’d never been with a girl before, but with Yvette it was different, stronger than anything she’d ever felt before.
“I bet Helen will be happy to have her mommies all to herself for the next few days. I’m glad we decided to take a little vacation, I think we could all use it. After all Helen starts school in a little less than a month.” Yvette loved Helen as if she were truly her biological daughter. See, Helen was born a couple of years before Evangelina finally had the courage to give Yvette a chance, almost a good six years after Yvette had first confessed her love to her. Helen was two already, daughter of Evangelina and her infamous -ex. From the moment Helen had been born Yvette had already grown to love her. She knew one day, somehow they would all be a family. Although her father is still in her life she prefers spending time with her mothers.
“Yea, she’s been looking forward to her surprise all week. I can’t believe we’ll be leaving to Disneyworld in a little less than 24 hours.” Evangelina smiled and looked up lovingly at her wife. I still can’t believe how lucky I am. I can’t believe she waited so long for me to realize she really is all I need to keep me sane in this world. And she’s been such a great mom to Helen. She wasn’t sure how Helen would react to seeing her mother with another girl at first, but once she saw how natural the relationship was between Helen and Yvette she knew she had nothing to worry about. She loved her family, and was beyond glad that Yvette had done just as she’d always said she was going to do-- wait.
“Yepp, a nice family trip to Disneyworld. I think we deserve it. And the clinic is so happy with the progress I’ve made with some of the kids they gave me a little last minute bonus that we can blow while we’re there.” Just as Yvette had been supportive of Evangelina’s career Evangelina had been there all the way through Yvette’s studies and late night break downs. Yvette had finished up her Ph.D in psychology around Helen’s third birthday, and Evangelina couldn’t have been prouder. They’d been through so much, together and separately. Yvette had worked hard for her degree so that Evangelina wouldn’t have to worry about money and just do what she loved. That’s not to say Yvette was doing something she didn’t want to do. She was helping children and families, just as she’d always wanted to. As a psychologist she knew she could give what she’d received as a teenager, it just so happened it paid well.
“That’s great! Oh now we can really treat Helen like a princess there!” Evangelina rose and gave Yvette a long, loving kiss. “Have I told you how amazing you are lately?” She asked looking lovingly at her wife. She couldn’t help but be amazed with the women who’s arms she was in. She found a reason to love her more and more each day.
“Not in the past 16 hours.” Yvette said smiling. She had no idea it was possible to love someone so much. Everyday for the past 9 years her love for Evangelina had grown more and more, even through all the confusion and heartache she has suffered as she waited for the day Evangelina would see that they were meant to be. No matter how hard she tried to fall out of love with her nothing worked. No matter who she was with or how long they went without talking she never ceased to love her, to smile upon seeing her. The Christmas Evangelina had kissed her, that’s when Yvette knew their time had finally come. Two years later she proposed. Another six months later they married.
“Well,” Evangelina moved so she was positioned almost above Yvette, “You are amazingly amazing” She leaned in to kiss Yvette, slowly at first then a little more passionately. She supported her weight with one hand as she ran her other hand through Yvette’s short curls. They had been living in newlywed bliss for the past seven months and she hoped that feeling would never go away.
Yvette moaned into the kiss the gently pulled back, “Maybe we should take this to the room? Wouldn’t want Helen coming down for a glass of water and catch her mommies going at it would we?” Yvette stood up, taking Helen in her arms and carried her upstairs. As they neared the room she stopped and set Evangelina down.
“Hey,” Evangelina pouted and crossed her arms, “what are you doing baby?”
“Just a minute babe, I wanna say goodnight to our little girl first.” Yvette approached Helen’s room quietly. She went in and walked over to Helen’s bedside. “My princess is so beautiful,” She whispered, then leaned down to place a kiss on Helen’s cheek. She placed the covers over Helen, who seemed to have kicked them off in her sleep.
Evangelina stood in the doorway, smiling as she watched the scene in front of her. This is all so…perfect. When Yvette came out of Helen’s room she wrapped an arm around Evangelina’s waist and they walked to their room together. As Yvette closed the door Evangelina went to sit on the bed.
“I love you Yvette.”
Yvette smiled as she approached Evangelina, “I know, and I love you wifey.” She said as she gently lay Evangelina down, kissing her, ready to make love all night.
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